Learning To Laugh Again
by stuck4aname
Summary: Oneshot. When an anomaly appears inside the ARC, Jess and Becker are flung, quite literally, into danger. Jess/Becker - mainly fluff, with a bit of angst thrown in for good measure. Spoilers for the end of series 3.


**Disclaimer: **Primeval belongs to Adrian Hodges and Tim Haines. I am neither of these men, therefore I don't own Primeval.

**Notes:** Takes place after 4x04. I feel I should stress that this fic was written _before_ 4x06 aired, so the (very) similar dialogue _did_ actually come from my own brain - it's not just lifted straight from the show!

* * *

><p>The first thing Becker's eyes fall on when he walks into the ARC is Jess, sitting alone at her workstation, scanning the monitors, unblinking. Completely oblivious to the fact that he's entered the room, she breaks off a chunk of the blueberry muffin that's sat on the desk in front of her.<p>

Becker clears his throat and Jess turns at the sound, greeting him with a smile.

"That's hardly a nutritious breakfast, is it?" he says as he walks towards her.

"It's Friday," is all she says in response. At least, Becker thinks it's a response but knowing Jess, it could just as easily be a bizarre non-sequitur.

Jess turns back to her monitors and types something on one of the keyboards before breaking off another chunk of the muffin. Before it's even halfway to her mouth, Becker takes it from her and pops it into his own mouth. She looks surprised more than put out, so he just winks and she shakes her head, smiling.

"Everything OK?" he asks as she turns her attention back to the screens and types something else.

"Yeah. Probably. It's weird. I'm picking up some sort of interference - I have been all morning - but there are no other signs of an anomaly." She turns to look at him again. "How's…um, how's your leg?"

"It's fine," says Becker. It's not a complete lie. It only hurts when he thinks about it.

Jess nods. "OK. Good."

"Right. Well, I should…" Becker waves a hand in the vague direction of the armoury.

Jess nods again. "Right. Me too," she says, gesturing to the ADD.

Before he walks away, Becker looks at the last remaining chunk of blueberry muffin. For a second, he considers taking it but then he decides that would probably be pushing it. Instead, he just taps the surface of the desk and tells her, "That's a good muffin."

* * *

><p>He passes the menagerie as he's on his way to the armoury and he can see Abby staring into one of the enclosures, concern etched on her face.<p>

"Is something wrong?" asks Becker, entering the menagerie.

"Yeah," says Abby. "I don't know what, though. I've checked him over and he seems to be fine, but he's been getting more and more restless."

Becker looks at the creature. The closest thing he can relate to it is a stegosaurus, but he's pretty sure that's not what it is. It's swinging its tail back and forth and suddenly it turns to look at Abby and Becker and it lets out…a roar? A scream? He's not really sure how to label a sound like that, but whatever it's called, it goes straight through him.

The dinosaur swings its tail around again and hits the glass wall of the cage. Becker jumps back slightly, even though he knows the glass is more than strong enough to hold it.

Then he hears Jess' voice in his earpiece and his stomach flips at her tone. She's panicking. Since when does Jess panic?

"Becker, Connor, Abby," she says in a shaky voice. "I really need your help, now!"

Abby and Becker exchange a glance and immediately run out of the menagerie and towards the main room. They run into Connor on the way, literally - he's running in the opposite direction and mutters something about fetching equipment as he passes them. When they reach the main operations room, they're met with the sight of a shimmering cluster of light, the same cluster they've seen countless times before, and Jess is stood directly behind it.

Lester comes out of his office and to Becker's surprise, says nothing. No cutting, impatient remark, just a worried expression that he's clearly attempting, to no avail, to mask.

Jess is staring at the anomaly in wide-eyed terror. She seems to be frozen to the spot. There's not a lot of space around the anomaly, but Becker decides there's enough. He's about to call out to Jess, let her know it's safe to walk around it, but he's interrupted before he's even said a word by a deafening crash and that same horrible screeching sound.

He swings around just in time to jump out of the way of a rampaging dinosaur.

His back is flat against the wall now, so he starts to edge his way along, towards Jess. The creature is facing the anomaly, screeching at it, its tail still swinging violently from side to side. He hears Abby shout something about it being a herbivore, but he doesn't care because even if it doesn't want to eat them, it's still strong enough to kill them.

He's only a few inches away from Jess, so he reaches out and takes her hand. He gives it a gentle tug and guides her back along the wall. She doesn't take her eyes off the anomaly, and he doesn't take his eyes off her.

They're halfway to safety when the dinosaur turns to them. It screeches again. Before Becker even has a chance to react, the creature swings around and he feels its tail crash into his side. In a flash of light, a flash that's all too familiar for comfort, he sees his surroundings change and then everything goes black.

* * *

><p>"Becker?"<p>

It's a faint voice, quiet.

"Becker, please wake up."

A woman.

"Becker…"

He opens his eyes, slowly, painfully. As his vision comes in to focus he sees Jess crouching beside him. Her head is bleeding and she's holding her right arm close to her body. Her left hand is resting on his shoulder, her touch gentle but unmistakably there.

She smiles at him weakly. "I thought…I thought you were…" She trails off.

Becker doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say.

"Are you hurt?" she asks.

He hesitates. The wound on his leg is throbbing. He's pretty sure he hit his head on something and he suspects it might be bleeding. It feels like there's an elephant stood on his chest and it hurts to breathe.

"No," he says finally. He looks over at the anomaly. It's still open. "We need to get back."

Jess nods and helps him to stand. He finds himself having to lean on her and he's pretty sure she knows he was lying about being hurt.

"Can you walk?" she asks. He nods. He takes a step but the pain makes him gasp audibly, and he stumbles to his knees.

He looks at the anomaly again and realises that it's much further away than he had originally thought. He wonders how the hell they're even still alive after being flung so far.

"I'm OK," he pants as Jess helps him to his feet again. He tries not to put too much weight on her but he can't help it. "I'm sorry," he says, seeing that she's struggling to support him properly.

She shakes her head. "It's fine. Come on, we just need to - "

"Two minutes," says Becker. He knows they need to get back through the anomaly as soon as possible but even trying to stand is agony like he's never felt before. If he can rest for just a few moments he knows he'll be able to gather the energy he needs. He sits down, leaning back against a rock. "I just need two minutes."

Jess nods and sits down next to him. They sit in silence for a few moments until Becker speaks.

"I was…I wanted to take you to dinner." His voice is raspy and it's getting harder to talk. Harder to breathe.

Jess takes his hand. "Yeah. That'd be nice."

He smiles and squeezes her hand. He's about to speak again when there's a thunderous roar in the distance. It's a noise he's heard before. It was nearly two years ago now but it's still fresh in his mind, like it was yesterday.

He looks at Jess. "You should go."

She shakes her head frantically, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. "No. I'm not leaving you here."

"They'll have to close the anomaly soon." He's fighting to keep his eyes open. "You need to go." He's gasping for air now.

"Becker, I'm not leaving you here."

"Jess, I mean it. Go." There's another roar. They still can't see the creature but he can tell it's getting closer. "Believe me, that's not a friendly dinosaur. You have to go."

She shakes her head again. "Not without you."

"I can't walk. I can't…can't breathe."

Another roar. Even closer still. He remembers the hangar, and he can't help thinking he'd give anything right now for Danny Quinn in a helicopter.

Jess lifts his arm and puts it over her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" asks Becker as she pulls him, with obvious effort, to his feet.

"What part of 'I'm not leaving you' don't you understand?"

As he stands, he tries not to lean on her but it's too painful, too tiring not to. Everything's going blurry but he can still see the anomaly and he knows it's too far away.

But Jess isn't giving up on him. She talking, and it's comforting to hear her voice even though her words aren't really registering.

He tries his best to walk, knowing she can't carry his weight on her own, but with each step the pain gets worse.

The anomaly's getting closer.

Jess' voice is becoming more and more distant, the landscape more and more blurred. He knows it'll only be a few seconds before he passes out. Or worse.

There's a flash.

* * *

><p>The first thing he's aware of when he wakes is something resting lightly on his hand.<p>

The second thing is that he's in the ARC medical centre.

The third is that everything hurts.

He turns his head, ignoring the searing pain in his neck, to see Jess sitting next to him, her hand resting on his. She's sleeping peacefully, eyelids fluttering. There are three stitches just above her eye and her right arm is in a cast. She's bare-footed, her neatly painted toenails matching her outfit perfectly. Her hair's a mess and she's covered in dust and dirt, and she looks nothing like the Jess he knows but at the same time, she's never been more…_her_.

He tries to sit up but he finds himself struggling. After a few painful attempts to prop himself up, a soft voice to his side says, "Here. Let me." Jess uses her good arm to fluff and rearrange his pillows, and he leans back on them, trying to return her weak smile but failing to find it in him.

"What time is it?" he asks. The answer isn't really important to him, but it gives him something to say. A way to repel the uncomfortable silence that's threatening to engulf them.

"Nearly six," says Jess.

"The creature? The one that escaped?" Every word catches in his throat, each syllable like a dagger, but he forces himself to talk anyway.

"I think it went through the anomaly, after us."

Becker nods - or tries to. His head feels heavy and light and the same time, and he lifts his hand to his temple in the hope that it will stop hurting, but if anything, it only makes it worse. He realises he must have winced at the pain because Jess gently pushes his arm back down.

He's about to say something to her - though he's not entirely sure what - when Lester walks into the medical centre.

"Ah, good, you're awake," he says as he walks towards them. "The medics are insisting you both take 'medical leave'." He looks pointedly at Becker. "Especially you." His tone is weary, Becker presumes because he's dreading the mountains of paperwork that he'll have to deal with tomorrow.

Lester starts to walk away. "Oh, and Becker?" He stops and turns back to them as he reaches the door. "That's twice in as many weeks that you've ended up in here, now. Do try to be a little more careful in the future. Otherwise we might have to start giving Connor a gun, and God knows that never ends well."

Becker closes his eyes as Lester leaves. He feels sick, but he's not sure its caused by anything physical.

"He doesn't mean it was your fault," comes Jess' voice from beside him. "He just means - "

"I know what he means," Becker sighs, eyes still closed.

But Jess doesn't let up. "Becker…you're brilliant at your job. We all think so. Your file says you were the best in your company at Sandhurst. That's - "

"That was Sandhurst. There are no anomalies at Sandhurst. No creatures. People don't die at Sandhurst." He looks down and realises her hand is no longer touching his; they're not making any contact at all, and he feels bare without her touch. Naked.

He continues, this time making eye contact with Jess. "Abby, Connor, Danny…Sarah…it was my job to protect them. To keep them safe. Make sure nothing happened to them."

"But Abby and Connor are OK. They made it back."

"Danny didn't."

"Not yet. But he still might."

Becker shakes his head and laughs bitterly. He doesn't know whether that's naivete or optimism, but he's sure of one thing - it's not realism.

"When they didn't come back…" He examines a cut on his knuckle. "Every time an anomaly appeared, I hoped they'd come through it. All three of them. They'd just be fine and everything would be that simple. But then when Sarah…I stopped hoping. I stopped expecting anything. I started to accept that I was responsible."

"You weren't," says Jess. "It wasn't your fault."

"I should have stopped them from going through."

"They knew the risks; they knew what they were doing."

"And today," he says, almost cutting off Jess' words. "I should have protected you. I should have got you back home, not the other way round."

"It doesn't matter - "

"Yes, it does!" He takes even himself by surprise at how much he raises his voice. "Sorry…" he says softly as he closes his eyes again. "It does matter. I gave up today, and I shouldn't have. That put you in even more danger."

"But we're both safe now. It doesn't matter how, Becker."

"Jess!" Connor's head pops around the door. "Me and Abby are ready to go, so…whenever you're ready." He looks at Becker. "How you feeling, mate?"

Becker just nods. He can't deal with Connor's inane babbling right now, and he dreads whatever vapid nonsense might come out of that mouth next. But Jess seems to take pity on him, and speaks before Connor can say anything else.

"Thanks, Connor," she says. "Just give me a couple of minutes."

Connor nods, and with one last sympathetic look at Becker, shuts the door.

"Will you be OK?" asks Jess as she stands up. Becker nods.

"Yeah," he tries to say, but it comes out so quietly even he's not entirely sure if he said it out loud.

Jess is halfway to the door when she turns back to him. "You have to stop blaming yourself. It'll eat you up…none of us want to see that happen to you."

She gives him a small, nervous smile and leaves, and the room somehow seems much darker now she's not there.

* * *

><p>Becker's not listening to the taxi driver's ranting. He just gives a non-committal murmur every now and again and hopes that'll be enough. Not that he really cares if it's not.<p>

"This is it, mate," says the driver eventually, pulling up outside a large block of flats. It's much more impressive than Becker expected. He takes a bank note from his back pocket and hands it to the driver without looking at how much it's worth.

"Keep the change," he mutters as he climbs out of the cab. His foot hits the ground a little too forcefully and a sharp pain shoots up his leg, but he's used to it by now. He slips inside the building as someone else comes out.

Seeing the 'OUT OF ORDER' sign on the lift, he curses his luck and starts to make his way up the stairs. He follows the numbers on the doors until he finds number 27, and knocks.

The door opens, and if Jess is surprised to see him, she doesn't show it. She just smiles at him, and he can see the sparkle has returned to her eyes.

"Hi," she says brightly.

"Hello."

"Come in." She stands aside and he walks in. Nothing he sees in her flat surprises him. The perfectly organised desk. The flowers and the candles. The four multi-coloured phones. The whole place has Jess written all over it.

"Make yourself at home," she says, moving a stack of papers from the coffee table to the desk. "Do you want some tea? Coffee? A muffin?"

"Muffin?"

"Blueberry."

"Why not?" he smiles, sitting down. He barely notices the twinge as he bends his knee.

"How's your medical leave so far, then?" asks Jess as she takes two plates from a cupboard and lines each of them with a multi-coloured polka dot serviette. He's amazed at how efficient she is, even only using one arm.

"It's pretty dull, actually. I can't do anything. Yours?"

"Great. I've been getting so much done lately. I reorganised my books this morning, and all my CDs and DVDs yesterday." Becker looks over at the bookcase. It's colour-coordinated. "And I've been doing all the stuff that I've been meaning to do for ages but never got around to, like catching up with old friends. I'm going shoe shopping tomorrow as well, to replace the pair I had to leave in…well, in the past."

"At least one of us is having fun," says Becker, making a mental note to reimburse her for her shoes.

"Wait." Jess abruptly stops what she's doing and looks up at him. "How did you get my address?"

"I read your file," Becker says, a smirk momentarily crossing his lips.

Jess nods, laughing. "Of course you did. I should have known someone would, sooner or later."

"Don't worry. I stayed out of the personal bits."

"Right…and you…you came here because…"

"I wanted to talk to you."

She hands Becker his plate and sits down on the sofa next to him. "Is this about what I said to you? Because I am _really _sorry. 'Eat you up' was a really poor choice of words, considering the kind of work we do. All I meant was - what's so funny?"

"That's not…that's not what I wanted to talk about," he smiles. "I just…I realised I never said thank you. For helping me get back through the anomaly. Without you, I doubt I'd still be alive."

"Yeah, well…I'd rather not dwell on that possibility," says Jess, her gaze falling to the floor.

"Right. So…thank you. And there's something else, too."

Jess looks up at him again.

"Everything you said about me blaming myself; about feeling sorry for myself - "

"I didn't say that."

"You meant it." He doesn't give her any time to deny it. "I thought about it and I realised you were right."

"I was what?"

"You heard me, Jessica, I'm not saying it again."

Jess smiles. "OK. But you know it's not your fault? You believe that now, right?"

He nods but doesn't quite meet her eyes. He considers telling her the truth: that although the bitter feeling of self-reproach was fading day by day, it would probably always be there, always a part of him. But he decides against it, and she seems satisfied with that.

She looks down at a graze on his forearm. "How…how is everything? You, I mean. How are you?"

"I'm OK." She doesn't look convinced. "I'm fine," he reassures her. "It's just a few cuts and bruises."

"The medics said you broke a rib."

"Two. But there's not a lot I can do about that."

"I'm surprised they didn't give you crutches."

"They tried to," he says. He looks at the cast on her arm. Abby and Connor have written their names on it, and he thinks he can make out Matt's name too, somewhere in amongst the doodles. "How's your arm?" he asks her, not wanting to dwell on his own injuries.

"Fine," she nods. "It's just a fracture. The cast will be off in a few weeks. Connor was a bit disappointed when I told him that. He likes to doodle on me."

"So I see," says Becker, smiling. "Anyway, I should go." He places his now empty plate on the coffee table and stands up. "I'll leave you to…organise your fridge, or whatever it is you're doing now."

"Actually, I've already done that."

"I was kidding…"

"So was I," laughs Jess.

Becker smiles, not entirely believing her. "I'll see you soon," he says as he opens the door.

"You promised me dinner."

Jess' rather sudden statement surprises him, and judging from the look on her face, it's surprised her too. He doesn't say anything as he walks back towards her. Before he knows it, their faces are less than an inch apart.

"I don't believe I ever actually used the word 'promise'," he says, one eyebrow raised. She averts her gaze, and he smiles, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'll pick you up at eight."

"Tonight?"

"You didn't have plans, did you?" he asks, walking back towards the door.

"No…it's just…are you sure you're well enough?"

"Are you?"

She nods, smiling.

"Then I'll see you at eight."

* * *

><p>It's as he walks her home that night that he realises: he hasn't laughed like this in a very, <em>very<em> long time.


End file.
